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| Mother of God Catholic Church, Covington KY |
Seminary can be very, very tiring. One benefit of the rigorous formation we have here at the Pontifical College Josephinum is that we are often pushed to the limits of our spiritual, physical, and emotional energies. Last weekend was our "Family Weekend," a homecoming celebration of family, friends, fun, faith, food, and football. While it was wonderful to have my family with me and to enjoy the events of the celebration, I and all of our seminarians were absolutely drained by the end. God used that time to teach me to rely completely on Him even just to continue moving throughout the day- I could not pray, love, or even enjoy without Him. I wished I could just die right then, and enter into heaven, where maybe I could just take it easy for a while...
To be clear, this example is lighthearted and certainly not the toughest weekend to go through. However, I think we have all experienced deep lethargy and tiredness in our lives that leads us to despondency. We have all encountered periods of deep tiredness in our souls, where going through our daily lives is a slog, loving is a chore, and praying is torture.
Here is a warning- times in which you want to do absolutely nothing are the worst times to do absolutely nothing. Satan is very excited to use periods of depression and despondency to tear down your defenses and rip out healthy growth in your soul. A soul who has up to now been happily following the spiritual path ahead of it and has experienced repeated growth in virtue and faith can be so quickly lost in a moment of sudden and confusing weakness. In choosing to live out lethargy, you are ignoring the call of God to trust Him in your mission of prayer. How quickly does temptation uproot a soul who has let it's roots to the tree of life go slack with laziness and disappointment!
Listen here to the psalmist as he complains in a period of dryness:
"I refuse to be consoled. When I think of God, I groan; as I meditate, my spirit grows faint. You have kept me from closing my eyes in sleep; I am troubled and cannot speak. I consider the days of old; the years long past I remember. At night I ponder in my heart; and as I meditate, my spirit probes: 'Will the Lord reject us forever, never again show favor? Has God’s mercy ceased forever? The promise to go unfulfilled for future ages? Has God forgotten how to show mercy, in anger withheld his compassion?' I conclude: 'My sorrow is this, the right hand of the Most High has abandoned us.'” Psalm 77: 3c-11
Does this sound familiar? Do you see how he, in his tiredness and frustration, quickly forgets the eternal mercy of God, and opens himself to the lie of abandonment? Do you think you have been able to relate to these same feelings?
If you relate, then join the club. Saints have experienced this pain of tired depression throughout the centuries. St. Therese of Lisieux, Job (Job from the book of Job), St. Mother Theresa, St. Thomas the Apostle, and many others all experienced harsh periods of distrust and despair in God, as pain from life calamities, tiredness, or demonic temptation made them feel as though they were in a desert of abandonment. All of them surely asked: Why is this happening? What should I do?
The answer is found in spiritual direction- the leadership and teaching of the Holy Spirit in their lives. I encourage you to listen now to the Spirit speaking through St. Ignatius Loyola, a powerful and wise witness in spiritual direction, as he explains in the words of Fr. Timothy Gallagher on how to live through desolation.
"I call desolation... darkness of soul, disturbance in it, movement to low and earthly things, disquiet from various agitations and temptations, moving to lack of confidence, without hope, without love, finding oneself totally slothful, tepid, sad, and as if separated from one's Creator and Lord..."
"Let one who is in desolation consider how the Lord has left him in trial in his natural powers, so that he may resist the various agitations and temptations of the enemy; since he can resist with the divine help, which always remains with him, though he does not clearly feel it; for the Lord has taken away from him his great fervor, abundant love and intense grace, leaving him, however, sufficient grace for eternal salvation." -Fr. Timothy Gallagher, The Discernment of Spirits. An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living.
Here we find our goal in surviving periods of such complete depression: Rely on heaven. The help of God never leaves us. Never. Though in the worst moments it can be nearly impossible to see, God always gives us his infinite graces to get us through tough places. These struggles are storing up priceless treasures in heaven: we must have times of earthly turmoil to realize the importance of rest in Christ. If we did not feel stifled and suffocated in the sin of this world, we would not have reason to live for the fullness of life with God. Life is meant to be eternal; remember that when everything in this world seems to be all in vain.
The image on top is a stain glass window I took a picture of while on a seminary pilgrimage to some beautiful Ohio churches. Do you see how people from all walks of life are led to the Son of God as he extends His hands in healing to the broken, the sick, and the chained? His supernatural graces are there for you, even when you are blind to them. Ask Our Lady to bring the swift healing of Jesus to you as you cry out in your blindness and confusion:
"Jesus, son of David, have pity on me!" -Mark 10:47
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